All right! I’m back!
<<It was a cold autumn day. I was riding through the neighborhood on my bike. I was going very, very fast. Then I suddenly saw something.>>
This writing needs work. Let’s start with SETTING.
Setting- They are in a neighborhood. Good so far, but what type of neighborhood is it? Is it the kind with nosy and sneaky neighbors? The one with the neighbors who give you brownies? Or the plain old mean and grumpy neighbors? We’ll go for the nosy and sneaky neighbors because maybe that was the reason why this character was going fast on his/her bike. And this choice changes the feeling in the story. It wakes the mood a little mysterious and cold.
Since we know it’s autumn, we can say golden leaves cover the ground. We aren’t going to get into detail of sensory and details of words (we’ll do that another time).
Did this character live in this neighborhood their whole life? Did they just move? I’m going to go with the “lived here all my life duh” idea. So they might say “I remember where the most leaves gathered under a tree”.
So now the writing looks like this:
<<It was a cold autumn day where different bright colored hues of leaves were scattered all over. I was riding through the neighborhood, which I had known all my life, on my bike. I passed a bunch of houses with my nosy neighbors out front, raking leaves. While looking at the autumn atmosphere I forgot about my brakes. I realized I was going very fast.Then I suddenly saw something.>>
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