Writing Part 2. Going Into Detail

Our story so far is:

<<It was a bitter autumn day where an assortment of bright colored hues of leaves were scattered all over. I was riding through the neighborhood, which I had known all my life, on my sleek, black bike. My chocolate colored hair whipped into my eyes, as I passed a bunch of houses with my nosy neighbors out front, raking leaves. While admiring the autumn atmosphere I forgot about my brakes. I realized I was going very quickly. My gray eyes opened with anticipation as suddenly a great shadow caught my eye.>>

Our story is looking better, but it’s not very descriptive, so we are going to make it more detailed.

How bright were the leaves colors? Screaming bold, subdued back splash

How fast and sleek is the bike? Dashing speeder, mountain smooth

How did it feel having hair in your eyes? Stinging, slapping

How were they raking leaves? Slow and smooth or fast and jumpy

What did they shadow look like or remind you of? Bunny, ant, monster

Just remember to use details when writing so that people can almost feel what’s going on in the story.

Now this is our improved story:

<<It was a bitter autumn day where an assortment of bright colored hues of leaves were scattered all over and jumped out adding a splash of color. I was riding through the neighborhood, which I had known all my life, on my sleek, black super speed bike. My chocolate colored hair whipped into my eyes and stung, as I passed a bunch of houses with my nosy neighbors out front, raking leaves, slowly while their eyes darted around. While admiring the autumn atmosphere I forgot about my brakes. I realized I was going very quickly. My gray eyes opened with anticipation as suddenly a great shadow, about the size of my dog, caught my eye.>>

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